She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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