You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
