What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
