Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
