The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sober January is a disaster.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
