Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're a waste of cheezeits
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize