I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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