What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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