I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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