What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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