My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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