Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize