Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
