My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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