i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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