whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
