i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
