Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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