My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
