just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize