Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
