Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
