i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
