Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
this is an emotional support booty call
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
