at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize