is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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