I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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