Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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