he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
