One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
