dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
