I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
