Your tits are I can't wait for
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
