you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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