So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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