I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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