one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
