Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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