just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
