This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He passed out mid-signature
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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