You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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