Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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