Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
