you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were trust falling into bushes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
