I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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