You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize