Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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