that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
