I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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