life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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