Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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