lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
