i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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