Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
