i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
