One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
