It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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