Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
