im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want nice things and good sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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