Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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