that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
