He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
