I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My bed smells like the plague
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