a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
